"The Warlock"

I was born in the forest deep When a wolf moved on a doe; I was born to the rushing wind And to the rotting leaves. I was born away from this world And I never knew its cold, The cold of which I was spawned And over which I'd grieve. And so, a lost child of night Craves to wander the lamp-lit streets But for every step he takes He feels fade the sickly dream, He knows naught of the kin of man He learns the vile of its race And of sense he tried to make Only fading fucking memories remain. I was sent to a place unknown In a sinking ark of care I try to walk the lamplight - road And it seems to go nowhere. I was born in the deepest dream, A haven - for me alone I was born from the dying seed Of all evils humans hold. And so, a lost child of night Craves to wander the lamp-lit streets But for every step he takes He feels fade the sickly dream, He knows naught so he justifies He sees far - but sees no cure, No answer true to the question he Can recall no more.

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I was born broken, Without fire yet craving warmth, I was torn to pieces By reality and my whim, I didn't feign survival Just to be trapped here, or so I thought It seems that I just might have. When the Northern lights are fading I see not suffering See not the burden I place upon them There is no lesson learned. No sign the cycle's left behind. I see no hollowing, The vacuous dog takes the bait again. I want to be just like you, If not for fear of what I might find. And through my misery Through what I thought endearing There made its path a monster, Its passive threats fall not upon deaf ears. And so day by day I find it harder to control this And I feel like my deepest secret Might be the want to take what I can't give. I see not suffering See not the burden I place upon them There is no lesson learned. No sign the cycle's left behind. I wish to take no sides I wish not to be burdened by this shit I wish I knew what I really wanted, I wish I knew how to fucking feel. (repeat last two lines until you spiral down or realise they're meaningless, or as ordered by your physician)

May 20, 2018

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Homo sum: humani nihil a me alienum puto. My faith waivers With every passing day I see minds molded Like lumps of yielding clay I hear them sing A different song again Again it's the righteous Against a world of hate I feel no love for this I daren't dream to hope That one day morn might rise Over a different world. I feel a criminal For what I never did And now the world and I, May be called enemies. There is no light here Amidst the shades of grey, That turn but darker With every fucking day As we, not 'him' or 'them' We murder, rob, deceive and rape. I've only hate for this, The mirrors deep in smoke Drunk on their own deceit With others in their yoke, I think this world a jest Most cruel of the gods I cherish nothing less Than the coursing of our blood.

"Rapids"

Today I watched the sunrise Over the solemn firs I watched its rays kiss the forest And the brook which quenched my thirst. The morning has no pride, No lust, no want for tears, I want to be just like it But that thought instills a fear- If I see them all again, Will the song I sing be heard? If they find me in the shade Will they make sure I know hurt? Will my signs be of sense Or will they see none at all? This is my rightful place Here beside the waterfall. I watch the fog dissolving Into the hills below, The waterfalls are roaring, They cry a tune I know. The trees give me shelter, The forest gives me a better home- The only rush it threatens Is the rumble of the water's call. I'm too tired from the hate, Wrought by others and my own The monster in the street-lights With its ship of hurt in tow; But once again, come the shouts, And I dash, fast as I can Deeper in, I'll do without The world awake to my shame again. The river cuts the valley, Where the cliffs cut through the woods, A few miles downstream Where once a village stood They find him washed ashore there, And they cease the search and calls- At the ripe age of sixteen He found his peace in the waterfall. No more now does his shame Strangle him in his sleep, Hidden in the forest's shade, A wooden cross stands silently.

"Manticore"

Tell me what is your given name? I see only an image of you Caricatural beast untamed And buried deep, some human truth. Where are you, hidden so far away? I see just blinding lights when I look up - Foggy glimpses of comforting plague And mirrored altars bleeding through. How did you rise? How did you fall? So shining and barely known at all Did you bow down? Did you stand tall? The cycle of tearing down the wall Barely a thing of blood and bone Confined to a cell you built alone, A manticore. Die in a thousand arms a night, Then die inside and start to decay But facade still holds up right Especially when you pray it may fail Hold on to misconceptions tight, Cause stereotypes are your wine and bread And when sunset comes for a time You've got a feeling like you can feel again. Blasphemous pride and star-sanctified shame, You've ran out of fuel but you'll die without flame. Sometime tomorrow they'll find your design, Dry repetition to feed idle minds.

"Shallow"

There is currently music for this but it's kinda shit so you don't get to hear it In my seventh year, I was awed and in fear By a great current of water that I went too near by chance And when I prayed for nymphs to release me, I suddenly saw - The water's shallow. In my thirteenth year, I dove off a cliff Into the dark blue sea to drink the calm beneath And only upon hitting the rocks it dawned on me - The water's shallow. In my seventeenth year, I looked myself in the eye, Wanted to see a well so deep that it swallowed all light And the well was sure deep enough But the water was shallow. And the deeper I dive into this big, great thing That I've been crawling towards for years but it's just out of reach The more I realize - The water's shallow.

"The Shadows on the Wall"

There was once music that went with this but I've lost the gpx file You came here years ago, ragged and running From wraiths and demons that you cannot quite recall; The loving twilight's keen to feed your microcosm But do you feel the gloomy twist behind its words? A hand outstretched with coin or care - it's all the same now, So easily confused with a fist raised up high, The very thought escapes your mind in your self-exile That there's a twisting, moving world behind your back. Over and over, fear's bitter pill is swallowed- To no avail, it doesn't take effect, Now pray that you're not the next one in line for gallows, We're nearing Rome's gates, now's the time to reflect. Without a need to deceive, Without this power fantasy, You could stand tall- Or stay and watch the shadows on the wall. Even God's fountain is no cornucopia, The chains of love may not resist the black hole's pull, You can't believe this extra layer of irony, The cycle of "fuck you" and "sorry" doesn't last. Over and over, fear's bitter pill is swallowed- To no avail, it doesn't take effect, Now pray that you're not the next one in line for gallows, We're nearing Rome's gates, now's the time to reflect. Without a need to deceive, Without this power fantasy, You could stand tall- Or stay and watch the shadows on the wall. And who knows how many tomorrows will smile to you So set your alarm clock to right here and now Sure you don't know but that's part of the fun When you've got to keep dancing on and on.

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I kept you in a cage of hopes and dreams, I buried all you felt behind what I desired to feel, I took away the things that made us close- And to this day, I'm not quite sure if I could let you go. The hurt, it hollowed me and burned my hands, Regret and want to hurt myself with seemingly no end. And when you came to me, just like before I didn't understand a word - I don't deserve no more. And how it looked, I can but guess, Thought there was nothing anymore 'Cause to this day I'm still a mess And I cannot just understand What brought you to my door. I thought you hated me just like I did, Still deeper in this darkened vile my care for you I hid. But once again, I don't know what's my choice- I don't deserve a shred of care- but still I miss your voice. And how this sounds, I do not know But I just have to pour it out, I only reaped what I had sown- I curse this damn uncertainty That I can't do without.

"Rot"

There is rot inside of me. It hollows out my chest, In longing and unrest I find my home. I try to set it right afire, Befalling but the same, And pray one day this flame Will burn me clean Of the disgusting, the perverse, And every lie, conniving verse But only willpower this curse Could break apart; And so it did, many a time, Reborn again from fire-light A wretched phoenix taking flight And still I fall. I still tread on, becoming numb, On my last breath but still I run, For 'tis my nightmare to succumb To idle rot. I know it still evolves in me, It rises from the ash, Only to go, another flash And it's no more And so I fight, and if aloud Of anything I can cry proud Is that I'd die to break the bound 'Tween me and this. One day I'll watch the dawn and dusk No more a barely living husk, 'Twill be the day this rot of curse Will burn away.

About

This is a blog thing where I will be posting my poems and other shit, in semi chronological order so the first couple will be even more garbage